- Global rating average: 5.0 out of 5
Why do we explode for nothing
It is no secret that very often domestic conflicts occur on trifles. Someone didn’t turn off the light, put things in the wrong place, didn’t do something, or didn’t do the right thing ... And usually the most trivial reason is, but the real scandal flares up. Why is this happening?
Because we accumulate - our grievances, irritations, disappointments, discontent, fears ... We do not pay enough attention to our emotions and feelings at the moment when they arise, dismiss them and suppress them, but they do not go away from this, but gradually stored on a subconscious level. But, like any warehouse, the warehouse of the subconscious has its limit, its volume. And when the limit of accumulation is reached, everything that we have suppressed explodes.
It looks like a saucepan with a tightly closed lid - if it is heated and there is no escape for a couple, then the lid will simply be torn off. So our "roof" periodically demolishes from internal savings.
How not to explode over trifles?
Be aware! Being aware of, not dismissing and paying attention to those moments when we are annoyed, when we don’t like something, when we’re offended by something. To be aware of the slightest pricks of jealousy, resentment, irritation, disappointment, discontent, fear. And stay with them, not pouncing either on himself or on another person.
Try to stay with the experience itself, to experience it as it is, without the pros and cons, not waving away, not becoming taller, or shorter. Do not rush to condemn yourself, or lash out at another. Stay watched. It is this kind of observation that “dissolves” the emotion and does not allow it to go to the level of the subconscious, and then control and influence us.
Try to describe the emotion being experienced as a bystander: where it arises, in which place, hot or cold, what image it has, what color, smell, what sensations arise in the physical body, and you will see that the intensity of the emotion gradually begins to fall.
Emotions do not disappear and accumulate for only one reason - because we do not pay them enough attention and, in fact, do not survive them.
That is why, once offended by a person, we will continue to be offended by him after 10 and 20 years. We have not seen him for years, once met by chance and, bang, an old offense immediately pops up. Why does it pop up? Because, in due time, we did not survive it.
In this way, a person through his life carries insults, disappointments, pain, fears. And as a result, lives in closeness, blaming life, others or themselves for what happened.
Why, I wondered, do some people go through the challenges of life, grow stronger in them, acquire inner maturity, understanding, wisdom, and do other people “break” the same challenges? And he came to the conclusion that the first ones are experiencing what they have, as they are - taking what happened as a fact, while the latter are trying to avoid it in every way, looking for the last ones, blaming others, life or themselves for what happened, and not accepting what happened as a fact.